A phase back again

.... when i don’t know, what to do with the life given to me. Work at office is no more hectic , and it gives me an ample time to get confused about ways to spend my time on this planet. There’s one thing really good about having an extremely hectic schedule at office, one has no time thinking about anything else. I get kind of lost in the world of coding, defect fixing and calls and mails and meetings,that’s where the whole life revolves around. it' s not that i love doing this, but it is what i get paid for. Only when the hangover of this lost world is shredded, I realize, “ what the hell am I trying to do? Next, what comes into picture is this post.

There 's a melancholic feeling which takes a toll over my mind.I endlessly stare at the blank walls, trying to figure out ... the crimpy path ahead, which does not even promise me a slow crawl towards a blissfull living. I peep inside myself , just to find that the passion to do things which i want is fading away, i have forced myself,to get satisfied with this mundane existence.

The glitches which I get after the long hours of staring at the walls, then need to be done away with , that’s when a dozen movies, Gmail pings and pile of books get ready to be absorbed in my empty brain. The second option for keeping those scary thoughts at bay hcomes as ->
I get hyperactive , early mornings become a norm, I try getting more organized , my age old diary, with each page carving a different idea for a more satisfied living, gets active, ready to listen to my new plans .
The more i try to run away from the sepulchral inner voice, the more it traps me.
The idea of a better life, now demands, security, more than risk, there is a fear of losing more than before each time, passing years seem to have doused the passion within.

But there is a me, which wants to come out of this shell of commonness.There's a small child within, which dreams of a fairy land, and waits for the magic of life to unsheathe itself.

If only I could get back to those reckless childhood days, where blogs and thoughts didn’t make sense, I just wish I could go back to the days when I was a little kid , jumping around carelessly, freely without trying to figure out, ways to lead a happy ,satified life.